Grasping Life by the Hand

I found my true purpose in life the moment my son was born.  Never was I one to wish for the future to bring me children, and yet they came to me so soon.  I struggled with finding meaning in my life.  I was young on the outside, and on the inside I felt old and useless.  All around me I received praise for my intelligence and kindness.  I was put on a pedestal that was not for me.  It was said that I would achieve great things in my life.  These great things were to become a doctor, a heart surgeon.  I felt as though if I achieved this perceived greatness, I would feel great.  At the age of 12, I was being groomed for my late 20’s.  My parents thought that by raising me for the future, they were preparing me for life.  This is true, but in the process, I lost all contact with the present.  I never got to experience the extent of living as a carefree child.  I was no longer allowed to be a child when I was 9.  My mother was done raising me at that time.  It was her time to live a life. 

The second I moved out when I was 19, I felt like I had broken through a steel chain.  A thousand pound weight was lifted off my shoulders and I was free at last.  I could now take the information I was given and use it.  I no longer cared that life would be hard from here on out.  For I was able to claim my life as my own. 

When I was 16, I actually met the man that would become my other half.  I was in love then, but I felt as though the feelings were not returned.  In actuality, it was just not the time for us to start our life.  We still had our own growing to do.  I ran into him again when I had just turned 19.  We began our journey together that day.  We have not looked back.  Our lives are as perfect as I could ask for.  I now have created the family of my dreams.  Its as though he has become the family and life and meaning I’ve always been seeking.  I just never knew where to look. 

My first son, instead of bringing me down to Earth, took me up to the clouds.  For the first time in my life, I felt needed.  I felt important.  My second son has only added to that feeling.  I am fully aware that my purpose in life is to raise these children the way that I should have been raised.  My purpose is to stop the cycle of neglect in my family.  I am now taking life by the hand and running with it, and it feels amazing.